Lady Bird (2017)
Saoirse Ronan: Lady Bird McPherson
Photos
Quotes
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Marion McPherson : I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : What if this is the best version?
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Why can't you say I look nice?
Marion McPherson : I thought you didn't even care what I think.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I still want you to think I look good.
Marion McPherson : Okay, I'm sorry. I was telling you the truth, do you want me to lie?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : No, I mean, I just, I wish that you liked me.
Marion McPherson : Of course I love you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : But do you like me?
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Sister Sarah Joan : You clearly love Sacramento.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I do?
Sister Sarah Joan : You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I was just describing it.
Sister Sarah Joan : Well, it comes across as love.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Sure, I guess I pay attention.
Sister Sarah Joan : Don't you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : The only thing exciting about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.
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[last lines]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Hi, Mom and Dad, it's me, Christine. It's the name you gave me. It's a good one. Dad, this is more for Mom. Hey, Mom, did you feel emotional the first time that you drove in Sacramento? I did and I wanted to tell you, but we weren't really talking when it happened. All those bends I've known my whole life, and stores, and the whole thing. But I wanted to tell you I love you. Thank you, I'm... thank you.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong.
Casey Kelly : You think dead children aren't morally wrong?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : No. I'm just saying that, if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my period, it would be disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.
Casey Kelly : Excuse me?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Listen, if your mother had had the abortion, we wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly!
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Kyle Scheible : Do you have any like, awareness about how many civilians we've killed since invasion in Iraq started?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Shut up! Shut up. Different things can be sad. It's not all war. Are we still going to prom together?
Kyle Scheible : Sure.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : People call each other the names their parents made up for them, but they won't believe in God.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I was on top! Who the fuck is on top their first time!
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Julie Steffans : Miss Patty assigned you a role by the way, you just never showed up to claim it.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : What role ?
Julie Steffans : The Tempest.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : There is no role of the Tempest!
Julie Steffans : It is the titular role!
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : No! It's a made-up thing so we all can participate.
Julie Steffans : You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you!
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah, well you know, your mom's tits, they're fake! Totally fake!
Julie Steffans : She made one bad decision at 19!
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Two bad decisions!
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Are you and Mom gonna get a divorce over this?
Larry McPherson : No. We can't afford to.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I just wanted it to be special.
Kyle Scheible : Why? You're going to have so much un-special sex in your life.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I found when it happened that I really like dry humping more.
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Kyle Scheible : What you do is very baller. You're very anarchist.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah. Fuck' em.
Kyle Scheible : Don't worry, I'm not gonna snitch on you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Well, I hope not 'cause I'd fucking kill your family.
Kyle Scheible : What?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Sorry. I... that was an exaggeration.
Kyle Scheible : It's okay. My dad has cancer, so I guess God's doing that for us.
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Kyle Scheible : I didn't lose my virginity to you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Wait, what?
Kyle Scheible : I lost my virginity to Cassie Duvall.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Excuse me? You said you were a virgin.
Kyle Scheible : No, I didn't. 'Cause I'm not. And I haven't lied in two years.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Uh, it's my parents' number.
Kyle Scheible : You don't have a cell phone?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : No.
Kyle Scheible : Good girl. The government didn't have to put tracking devices on us. We bought them and put them on ourselves.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I don't own a tracking device.
Kyle Scheible : No, no, no. The cellphones. You see?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Wow.
Kyle Scheible : Yeah I know. I mean, you'll have one eventually. Everyones gonna have one. And then, it'll be a matter of time.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Before what?
Kyle Scheible : Before they put them in our brains.
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Father Leviatch : Lady Bird. Is that your given name?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah.
Father Leviatch : Why is it in quotes?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Well, I gave it to myself. It's given to me, by me.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I hate California, I want to go to the East Coast. I want to go where culture is like, New York, or Connecticut or New Hampshire.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : You know, you can touch my boobs, right?
Danny O'Neill : I know. It's just that I respect you too much for that.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Cool. Awesome. I totally get that. Thank you.
Danny O'Neill : You're welcome.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : If you had boobs, I wouldn't touch them either.
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Guidance Counselor : So I understand you're not interested in any Catholic colleges?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : No way. Sorry, but yes, no way.
Guidance Counselor : Then you'll be applying to UCs and State schools?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah, but also those East Coast liberal arts schools. Like Yale, but not Yale because I probably couldn't get in.
Guidance Counselor : [laughs inappropriately] You definitely couldn't get in. Part of my job is to help you be realistic.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah. That seems like everyone's job.
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Marion McPherson : We don't need to buy that.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : It's only three dollars. I'm having a hard week.
Marion McPherson : Well, if you wanna read it, we can go down to the public library.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I wanna read it in bed.
Marion McPherson : That's something that rich people do. We're not rich people.
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Julie Steffans : What about terrorism?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Don't be a Republican.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Hey.
[pause]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I like your band. With Jonah Ruiz? L'Enfance Nue?
Kyle Scheible : [in french accent] L'Enfance Nue.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Uh. Well, I saw your Thanksgiving show. My name's Lady Bird.
Kyle Scheible : It's weird you shake hands.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah.
[pause]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I'm friends with Jenna and she's always talking about how great your band is so I wanted to check it out.
Kyle Scheible : Yeah, Jenna's hella tight.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah.
Kyle Scheible : Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Sure, see you at the Deuce.
Miguel McPherson : Hey, I'm not paying you to flirt.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : [exhales] I wasn't flirting.
Kyle Scheible : I wish you had been.
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Danny O'Neill : Your mom is crazy. I'm scared of her.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : She's not crazy. She just, you know, she has a big heart. She's very warm.
Danny O'Neill : I don't find your mother warm.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : You don't?
Danny O'Neill : No. No, she's warm, yeah, but she's also kind of scary.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Well, you can't be scary and warm.
Danny O'Neill : I think you can, your mom is.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : You're gay!
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : It's normal to not touch a penis
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Marion McPherson : If you're tired, we can sit down.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I'm not tired.
Marion McPherson : Oh, okay. I just couldn't tell because you were dragging your feet.
Marion McPherson : [Lady Bird rolls her eyes] Well, I just couldn't tell.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Why didn't you just say "pick up your feet"?
Marion McPherson : I didn't know if you were tired.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : You're being passive aggressive.
Marion McPherson : No, I wasn't.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : You are SO INFURIATING!
Marion McPherson : Please stop yelling.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I'm not yelling.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : [Marion picks out a pink dress] Oh, it's perfect!
Marion McPherson : Do you love it?
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : If Danny and I get married and then his grandma died, I'd inherit the dream house.
Julie Steffans : Wouldn't his parents get it?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Oh yeah, we'd have to kill them. And we'd have to kill his older brothers, too.
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Sister Sarah Joan : Some of the students were disturbed by your posters.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : It's just a bird head in a lady body, or vice versa.
Sister Sarah Joan : I think it's a little upsetting.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : It's my tradition to run for office. Don't worry, I won't win.
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[first lines]
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : [while doing house chores] Do you think I look like I'm from Sacramento?
Marion McPherson : You are from Sacramento.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : You don't have to do that.
Marion McPherson : Well, it's nice to make things neat and clean. You ready to go home?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Ready.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : The only exciting thing about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I just don't get why I'm not good at math. My dad is really good at math. Even Miguel has a math degree.
Julie Steffans : Maybe it's your mom's fault.
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Darlene Bell : You're not supposed to eat the wafers.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : They're not consecrated.
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Sister Sarah Joan : They do a fall musical and a spring play, and from what I hear it's a real blast.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : What I'd really like is to be on Math Olympiad.
Sister Sarah Joan : But math isn't something you're terribly strong in.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : That we know of yet.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : In the tub I just - I scoot myself under, just like now, like this, and then the water just - whoop...
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson , Julie Steffans : Whoop.
Julie Steffans : We are so gross.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I think I figured it out when I was like three or something.
Julie Steffans : I use, I take the shower head...
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Oh my God.
Julie Steffans : This is embarrassing! I use that.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I don't know if mine is the right kind though. Maybe it's different when you actually have a penis in there, like it's more intense.
Julie Steffans : Mine is pretty intense, I think.
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Julie Steffans : I don't even know how I got cast in my part.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Me neither. I was the one who had a dress and prepared a song.
Julie Steffans : I know.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Now you're going to be all romantic with Danny on stage.
Julie Steffans : It's probably my only shot at that, you know?
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Shelly Yuhan : Your mom is really sad you weren't here tonight for Thanksgiving.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah, well, she hates me.
Shelly Yuhan : She has a big heart, your Mom.
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Danny O'Neill : I just remembered I had a dream about you.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Really?
Danny O'Neill : Yeah.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : What happened?
Danny O'Neill : We were - we were flying to Disneyland on a giant carrot.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : That's awesome!
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Is that your family?
Danny O'Neill : Yeah.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Wow, there's so many of you.
Danny O'Neill : Irish-Catholic. It's hard to find a girl to date that's not my cousin.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Who is Jim Morrison again?
Miguel McPherson : He was in a rock band, moron, The Doors.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I knew that.
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Sister Sarah Joan : I'm going to write you a citation Miss Walton. No more short skirts.
[leaves]
Jenna Walton : Sarah Joan is all up in my jock.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : She's a cunt.
Julie Steffans : Birdy, you like her.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Yeah but, she's a cunt.
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Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : I have to get out of Sacramento.
Jenna Walton : Why?
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : Because it's soul-killing.
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Father Leviatch : Okay. Take it away, Lady Bird.
Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson : [singing] Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't it isn't right, Don't it isn't nice, Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't, Everybody says don't walk on the grass...